Welcome Message
 
 
     

Dying is a part of living.
It's rarely wanted...
But it is a time of living.


from "Mercy"
spoken by Ira Byock
(complete transcript of message below)

Ira Byock, MD

 

Message on CD:

Volume One:
Appreciation Montage

Volume Two:
Mercy


Speaker's Website Link

Message Transcription

Dying With Dignity


Nobody comes to the end of life perfect. 
We are after all just human.
We will die imperfect.
That’s not a failing on any of our parts.

Can we show ourselves the same mercy that we would show to another person living through this unwanted, inherently difficult time of life?

The challenge is to live with authenticity, and with integrity, and also to love.

It seems so simplistic to say that love is the answer, but on so many levels, in so many ways, it’s true.

Even the words death and dying are often confused in our language and culture.

We talk about somebody’s death when what we mean is the last months, weeks, days, sometimes hours, of their life.  Dying is a part of living. It’s rarely wanted, it’s never easy, it’s often hard.  But it is a time of living. And in addition to the arduous nature of this experience, this time can hold precious opportunity.

A relationship that has been fractured, but that ends well, that heals, sometimes even in the minutes before death, casts a healing glow on all that has preceded it. It reframes the entirety of the story of the relationship.

Have mercy, and in your acceptance of yourself, allow yourself to feel the tenderness of this time- the vulnerability, the dependency, and the return of innocence that dying represents.

If you are someone who was called to care for a loved one, someone who is seriously ill, in need of care, physically dependant, and soon to be dying, do not wonder or worry about their dignity.  Their dignity is intact.  Our challenge is to acknowledge and respect their inherent dignity during this time of physical dependence and disability.  Their frailty is not a sign of weakness nor an assault on their dignity. It is simply part of being human.

Have mercy. Please be kind to yourself. We are not called to be perfect, we are only called to be human.  That’s good enough.  

Speaker's Website Link


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Ira Byock, M.D., is a palliative care physician and long-time public advocate for improving care through the end of life.  He is co-founder and principal investigator of Lifeís End Institute: Missoula Demonstration Project, Inc, a community-based research and quality improvement organization focused on end-of-life experience and care. He is Director of Palliative Medicine at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center and faculty member at Dartmouth Medical School. Board certifications include Family Practice, Emergency Medicine (1988-1998) and Hospice and Palliative Medicine.  Nationally, Dr. Byock directs the Promoting Excellence in End-of-Life Care national grant and technical assistance program of The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. He is a past president of the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine (1997), and recipient of the Academyís Distinguished Service Award in 2002. He received the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization prestigious Person of the Year award (1995), and the National Coalition of Cancer Survivorshipís Natalie Davis Springarn, Writers Award.


His first book, Dying Well (Putnam/Riverside, 1997), has become a core reading on the subject. He has since co-authored A Few Months to Live (Georgetown University Press, 2001) and co-edited Palliative and End-of-Life Pearls (Hanley & Belfus, 2002), a collection of clinical case studies. His latest book, The Four Things That Matter Most, is written for the general public and is published by The Free Press, a division of Simon & Schuster.   Appearances on national television and radio include: Letting Go: A Hospice Journey (HBO), Final Blessings (NBC), Nightline (ABC), Before I Die: Medical Care and Personal Choices (PBS), All Things Considered (NPR), Dateline (NBC), 60 Minutes with Ed Bradley (CBS), and Summit for a Cure (MSNBC).